Psychic Suzanna and the Cards of Destiny.

I didn't get a chance to write a new post yesterday--sorry--and now I'm a little bit scattered in terms of what to write today.

Let's start with the basics, I guess. It's CD12 today ("cycle day" for anyone who might not be TTC acronym savvy), my BBT is the same as yesterday and ovulation should occur anytime within the next few days if my cycle this month is the usual 28/29 day length. So just waiting for that thermal shift, and after a couple of days of elevated temperature I should get my crosshairs on my Fertility Friend chart. Then, CD 18-20 or so (depending where my days off align with my cycle) I'll be making my way to the closest Life Labs to have my progesterone levels checked--something that I was going to do last month, except that the labs were closed during Christmas, which was already fairly busy for us. There are dark chocolate covered jube jubes in my writing desk's drawer, and I have finished my little cup of three-quarters-decaf latte.

So yesterday on one of the Pink Pad forums a bunch of girls started discussing how they'd asked Psychic Suzanna Stickney a free question via email about when they might conceive. Because I've got a love for things like tarot, tea leaf readings (my fave of faves), and things that are mystical (even if my more practical side passes these things off as "silly"...not completely, though, because I really do believe in my heart of hearts) I decided to cash-in on my free question to Suzanna too! After a few hours she emailed back and said: You will be holding your healthy daughter in your 30t. By "30t" I believe she meant "30th year." Being that I'm 28, and not turning 29 until July, and that this is the 8th cycle of TTC, 30 feels like a very long way away. Yes, I would like a daughter, and throwing in that it's a healthy baby makes me relieved after my mother told me on Sunday that she thinks I will get gestational diabetes if I get pregnant at my current weight (I am maybe 140lbs? I normally fluctuate between 120-135lbs, we just went through the holidays and I am a bit out of shape at the moment so I will throw on a possible 5lbs in my estimate for the sake of fairness. I am also just under 5'6", for the record. I am not a toothpick but I am also not a whale, if I may say so myself. HOWEVER, my mother has a well-known track-record of being a gym-bunny health-nut Virgo, and sometimes she says all kinds of shit that's upsetting to anyone who isn't in as good of shape as she is. Sunday wasn't the first time she's said something like this to me, and I know she means well, but it has left me feeling pretty screwed up about my body-image all week---blah!). (I have completely digressed, sorry!)

Okay, so as disappointing as it is that my TTC journey might be a long one, this whole 30th year prediction isn't shocking. In fact it's one of those things that makes you sigh and nod and think I just hope that's it, then. Oh, no, I don't mean that in a Debbie Downer kind of way. I really am a very optimistic person, even if the passing months get me feeling hopeless from time to time. It's just that I have very secretively done a bit of occult predicting over the years myself, and my own cards have been always the most accessible for me to read.

My maternal grandmother is a sweet old hippy-lady who does reflexology/reiki and believes in all kinds of wonderfully mystical things like angels, asking the Universe, spirit guides, reincarnation, the power of intuition, and tarot cards. Every summer, from the time I was 15 until 23, I used to stay with my grandparents on the mainland and work at the restaurant their friend owned so that I could make some decent money to last me through the school year--so very important once I started going to my local university! My grandma has always been like a  second-mom, and if you ask her she will tell you that she recognised me the moment she first saw me as a tiny newborn baby because we have a soul-connection--I love the heck outta her, in any case! She has a friend who is a psychic named Katherine Sue, and she turned her onto Robert Lee Camp's Cards of Destiny. We used to call KS whenever we were passing through her city (about an hour's drive from my grandma's ranch) and have lunch with her, and if we were lucky she would say something about the future in her usual off-the-cuff manner over her soup and salad. Along the way KS told my grandma that I need to start learning how to use the Cards of Destiny, and so my grandma photocopied her book so that I could have my own copy, and taught me the basics. One of the very last summers that I stayed with her, she asked me to do a reading for a daughter of a friend of hers because she didn't have time to do it herself; she gave me only the age and birth date of the girl, and asked me to do a full year's reading. I did so, and she passed it along to the anonymous girl who apparently was very happy with what I had picked up on. It's not something I've stuck to doing, though at one point in time, about four years ago, I got into the habit of doing weekly readings for myself. Generally I just scan through whatever my spread is for the year, maybe do a bit more of an intensive reading for myself around my birthdays, and that's about it. It's not the sort of thing I like to advertise, even to my closest friends.

In my spread for the next five or so years, there's not a lot of evidence of pregnancies, births, or motherhood happening for me until my 30th year. There were suggestions of possible pregnancies in my past years but at the time I was diligent about preventing, not trying, and I made the series of choices that led me to where I am right now. C'est la vive. It appears that there will be something unusual or unexpected about the possible pregnancy in my 30th year, but that's about as much as I know.  My 33rd, 34th, and 35th year all suggest possible pregnancies, but after 35 that's that. Not a lot of opportunities, though I don't think I'd personally want to give birth after the age of 35, it's just not what I've kind of got planned for myself, and I don't think G would be very happy about having a baby in 8 years. He already worries about being "too old".

Well, I mentioned some of this stuff about Psychic Suzanna and the Cards of Destiny on the TTC forum post and when another gal asked about the Cards of Destiny I said I didn't mind taking a peek at her cards if she wanted me to, she just needed to tell me her birthday and age. When I sat down to write this post (and oh has it gotten to be a long one, even though I feel like I have so many other things to write about still) a couple of other women on the TTC forum sent me PM's asking for me to do a quick reading. I kept it brief, just did and scan really, and got back to them both as promptly as I could. I don't want to steal Psychic Suzanna's spotlight but I don't mind doing something quick like this, not on a day-off.

Anyhow, it's now past noon--holy crap, where did the time go!?!--and I need to get stuff done before G gets home from work and thinks I've done nothing but watch Friends on Netflix and waste away my life. He doesn't know I'm writing again, which would make him really happy, but I also don't want him to read/follow this blog.