I'm trying to decide today if I want to see about getting in for a haircut. About 2 months ago I got a haircut that I really haven't liked but the super short layers (that made me feel like I had a mullet going on) are finally growing out and I'm just not sure...I've wanted to go back to having a bob, whether I go for a lob, inverted, or asymmetrical (although that would require a lot of maintenance) one, and if I just let this bad past haircut keep growing out I might just chicken-out of going back to a shorter overall length like I had a few years ago. Decisions decisions...
My best childhood friend moved to Fernie, BC a couple of years ago with her husband and baby boy. Her husband was having a hard time finding a job that paid well enough here, so they decided to pack up and go where the work was, make a good chunk of cash and come back later on. It's been almost two years ago since they left and I've been able to see SarBear twice (one day each visit). They couldn't make it to my wedding last year and it felt really strange not having her there with me on such a meaningful day, though I understood the circumstances of course. Just before Christmas we were talking over facebook messanger and she said they're thinking of moving back in a year, two years tops. Apparently they've found it really difficult to get to know people and make friends up there in Fernie, and it gets pretty lonely. She's only told a few people who are close to them so far, and I can't wait for her to move back.
On the side of my writing-desk I also have the obituary of a friend/coworker who passed away almost two years ago. She was just 21 when she passed away, and it was pretty devastating. We worked together on Mothers Day, and after we were done cleaning up the restaurant we sat outside the kitchen doors and each had a smoke (I'm not a smoker, I just used to have an occasional social cigarette a couple times a year when I was younger). She said she'd just had her tea leaves read and the woman had told her her feet still had so many places to go to. She said she'd been having a hard time, just feeling down and a lot of anxiety, and she was looking forward to moving away to work in this tiny town where she wouldn't be as likely to spend money flippantly, and then go to school for welding. There were a couple of strange things I happened to say in the last hour or two that we were there at the restaurant, without thinking: firstly, I referred to her a "LaLa" (which I had never done during the 2.5 years we'd known each other) and she stopped in her tracks and said "that's what my little sister used to call me", to which I shrugged and said "yeah, I don't know where that came from." The strangest thing was that I was so overwhelmingly anxious and emotional about her leaving, and I really wanted to extend the clean-up process so that we wouldn't be ready to leave so soon. Nimo, the sister of our boss who used to work in the kitchen (who is a super amazing woman from India, and really inspiring and super caring), was crying and Laura kept telling her that it would be okay because she'd come back during her winter break from school to help out with the Christmas parties. I looked her right in the eyes and said "this isn't goodbye forever," even though I had this feeling of dread. So of course, when we found out a few days later that she'd slipped and fell into a river the day after she'd moved and drowned, I felt horrible on so many levels.
The strangest thing was the week after she'd passed I'd had a very vivid dream in which she and I were on the city bus together and I'd asked her if everyone else could see her. She told me that only some people could see her, most of them couldn't, and I told her that I didn't ever want to stop being able to see her, at which point I woke up.
Her family's cocker spaniel is still listed in our client files at my current job, even though they haven't been in at all since I started there, months before Laura's death (I waitressed part-time for the first 3 months of working in the salon before I got sent to grooming academy). I have to scroll past their file fairly often because it's one of a hundred dogs named Molly in our computer system, and part of me always holds my breath. The computer system often randomly deletes files if a client hasn't been in in the last year, so it's a bit odd that they're even still listed there. She really loved her parent's dog.
How I got from talking about my best friend to talking about my dead friend is kind of awkward...uh, I'm not sure how that happened...
Back on a TTC note, my BBT is still high, but it's fallen another 0.1 degree today. So it appears it's making a very gradual fall as I get closer to AF arriving. 8DPO and no symptoms other than this continual feeling of being dehydrated. I think I'm needing to pee more but only because of how much damn water I'm guzzling every chance I get. One of my two Internet Angels Lkal just had AF arrive after her first IUI, which is a bummer too. Hopefully we'll get our BFPs someday soon though.
Wednesday 28 January 2015
Monday 26 January 2015
Happy Monday
G is in his studio and I am completely running out of energy post-work, now that it's almost 10PM. I felt like a quick update was in order though.
Good news: my temps reached 37.3 degrees by 3DPO and have more or less stayed there, with a 0.1 degree drop today at 6DPO! Absolutely awesome, especially since I never had as high of temps (and not consistently) last cycle. I couldn't be more pleased...well, not until I get that coveted, sacred, dreamt of, slaved over, gorgeous BFP! And I am dying of thirst all the time. I can't even begin to explain how much coconut water I've gone through the past few days, and I am drinking water like crazy. I am either fine, particularly after I've just had a glass of water, and then I'm parched. The in-between hydrated and dehydrated doesn't appear to exist for me right now.
I haven't heard anything from my clinic in regards to my test results. G has decided that he's not going to go in and get his SA done until we get the results for my tests--one step forward, one step back? In all fairness, he's been really busy between teaching, attending a exhibition opening on Friday night, and his younger sister's birthday yesterday. And he's fretting about putting together a 30-45 minute presentation discussing galleries, artist-run centres, and alternative spaces for his Friday class.
Speak of the devil--he has just come through the back door from the studio and is talking to Zoe-dog. Time to sign off for the night, I think.
XO
Good news: my temps reached 37.3 degrees by 3DPO and have more or less stayed there, with a 0.1 degree drop today at 6DPO! Absolutely awesome, especially since I never had as high of temps (and not consistently) last cycle. I couldn't be more pleased...well, not until I get that coveted, sacred, dreamt of, slaved over, gorgeous BFP! And I am dying of thirst all the time. I can't even begin to explain how much coconut water I've gone through the past few days, and I am drinking water like crazy. I am either fine, particularly after I've just had a glass of water, and then I'm parched. The in-between hydrated and dehydrated doesn't appear to exist for me right now.
I haven't heard anything from my clinic in regards to my test results. G has decided that he's not going to go in and get his SA done until we get the results for my tests--one step forward, one step back? In all fairness, he's been really busy between teaching, attending a exhibition opening on Friday night, and his younger sister's birthday yesterday. And he's fretting about putting together a 30-45 minute presentation discussing galleries, artist-run centres, and alternative spaces for his Friday class.
Speak of the devil--he has just come through the back door from the studio and is talking to Zoe-dog. Time to sign off for the night, I think.
XO
Thursday 22 January 2015
Best Coast
Thank god for roller derby practise last night!!!
I know contact-sports and TTC don't seem like the best of matches but you all don't have to worry, I promise--I'm a total newbie and so I'm not going to pass my level 1 skill-testing and be permitted by Coachie to participate in any actual scrimmages anytime soon, I'm still way more concerned with keeping my balance on my skates (actually I haven't had a fall in over a month, come to think of it) and trying to learn how to manoeuvre around in the various ways I'll need to if I'm ever in an actual bout. I'm not all that into hitting or taking hits either, I just want to be fast or really good at blocking. My former salon manager & friend Kitty Glitter (that's her derby name, obviously) and I got interested in joining the team in late-spring of last year, before my wedding, and she got all her gear and joined in October. I'm still borrowing Coachie's extra gear (mostly compiled of everything her two kids have outgrown) and started in November, and I'm nowhere near as derby-obsessed as Kitty even though she's been TTC for years (though she's not all in with the OPKs, charting, forums, books, etc, etc...she's more like "if it happens it happens"). So I guess we're kind of mirroring each other in an opposite/switched-around way, if that makes sense, regarding derby and babies...?
Anyway, Coachie brought her personal trainer to our practise last night, and our butts got kicked to the curb! Our practises are two hours and within the first 20 minutes of the off-skate boot-camp with the personal trainer I thought I was going to puke. Or just drop dead from lack of oxygen. Either or. But I have this crazy love-hate for off-skates, I guess because I've got so much more experience doing crunches and jogging (actually, I really dig interval running a lot, when I can manage to get myself off the door and motivated to run regularly) or bicep curls and squats than I do doing T-stops or flying around the flat track like the more advanced girls on our team. But, even though I'm so sore today, our super intense practise basically saved me from this suffocating anxiety I had all yesterday. And for that alone I am so thankful.
I was just so freaked out about how I knew today I needed to go from my orthodontist appointment to the lab by our house for my tests. I was getting so worried that they were going to find something wrong right off the bat with me that I could barely think about anything but all the various hardships that we might have to face in our TTC journey. But I got up this morning and I just accepted that unless our test got started we wouldn't be able to get the ball really rolling, and maybe our doctors would think that we weren't seriously invested.
G did great, actually. He was just as nervous and felt really awkward about having to do a SA in general but he took a Viagra (which his Dr prescribed him in November--and, ladies, those little blue pills aren't cheap--not because he can't get it up but in hopes that maybe he'd feel more inspired to BD after coming home from a tiring day at work) because he was worried about getting it done and performance pressure. He'd set his mind to it though and wanted to give it his best shot (no pun intended).
So we met up at the little hospital that's about 5 blocks from our house, with our lab orders and Care Cards in hand (yay for Medicare!), and went down to the lab in the bottom floor. Only the lab technician informed us that my Dr had been wrong when he'd said that G could do his SA there, with the possibility of being able to produce the sample in our cosy little house and just drive it the couple of minutes there to drop it off at the lab for testing. Not the case. He actually has to go to the big hospital in our neighbouring city (which we commute to for work anyway) which is about a 25 minute drive away...he will have to face the "spank tank," unfortunately. Because he had a faculty meeting at noon it wasn't an option for him to do his SA today, so he's thinking he'll go in and get it done on Monday. He was disappointed that we couldn't just get it done and out of the way, and also that I probably won't be able to go with him on Monday because of my own work schedule. And the Viagra has given him a horrible headache...booo.
I was able to get my tests done on the spot though (no appointment needed), which is good because I'm now on CD19/4DPO and I had to get it done in that small 3 day window. The tech took 3 vials of blood while I asked her to explain exactly what the "CBC Ferritin TSH" was. The progesterone test I get, but I had forgotten about the rest. She said they'll test to see what my iron levels are, and also my thyroid (won't my mother be happy about that!), that kind of stuff. I asked how long it'll likely be before the results are in, and she said for the two tests it'll probably be tomorrow morning, but the progesterone testing gets done in Victoria, about a 2 hour drive away, so the sample has to get sent down there and and it'll take about 3 or 4 days to hear back about that. I hate needles, and I really hate having blood taken, but this lab tech was pretty good. I've had techs who did things like accidentally move the needle around while it's still in me, and that was dreadful! This all went pretty smoothly today, well, for me anyway.
So the first big milestone has been crossed and we are on our way to finding out if there's anything going on that might be standing in the way of our baby-dreams. I think we're going to have an early dinner and then maybe go see a movie tonight, as a way of kind of mellowing out after all the pre-test anxiety. Zoe-dog is already mellow, apparently, she's curled up on a pillow behind my chair right now--she's a sweetie.
I feel like I could go have a nap, and it's only 4:10pm.
I know contact-sports and TTC don't seem like the best of matches but you all don't have to worry, I promise--I'm a total newbie and so I'm not going to pass my level 1 skill-testing and be permitted by Coachie to participate in any actual scrimmages anytime soon, I'm still way more concerned with keeping my balance on my skates (actually I haven't had a fall in over a month, come to think of it) and trying to learn how to manoeuvre around in the various ways I'll need to if I'm ever in an actual bout. I'm not all that into hitting or taking hits either, I just want to be fast or really good at blocking. My former salon manager & friend Kitty Glitter (that's her derby name, obviously) and I got interested in joining the team in late-spring of last year, before my wedding, and she got all her gear and joined in October. I'm still borrowing Coachie's extra gear (mostly compiled of everything her two kids have outgrown) and started in November, and I'm nowhere near as derby-obsessed as Kitty even though she's been TTC for years (though she's not all in with the OPKs, charting, forums, books, etc, etc...she's more like "if it happens it happens"). So I guess we're kind of mirroring each other in an opposite/switched-around way, if that makes sense, regarding derby and babies...?
Anyway, Coachie brought her personal trainer to our practise last night, and our butts got kicked to the curb! Our practises are two hours and within the first 20 minutes of the off-skate boot-camp with the personal trainer I thought I was going to puke. Or just drop dead from lack of oxygen. Either or. But I have this crazy love-hate for off-skates, I guess because I've got so much more experience doing crunches and jogging (actually, I really dig interval running a lot, when I can manage to get myself off the door and motivated to run regularly) or bicep curls and squats than I do doing T-stops or flying around the flat track like the more advanced girls on our team. But, even though I'm so sore today, our super intense practise basically saved me from this suffocating anxiety I had all yesterday. And for that alone I am so thankful.
I was just so freaked out about how I knew today I needed to go from my orthodontist appointment to the lab by our house for my tests. I was getting so worried that they were going to find something wrong right off the bat with me that I could barely think about anything but all the various hardships that we might have to face in our TTC journey. But I got up this morning and I just accepted that unless our test got started we wouldn't be able to get the ball really rolling, and maybe our doctors would think that we weren't seriously invested.
G did great, actually. He was just as nervous and felt really awkward about having to do a SA in general but he took a Viagra (which his Dr prescribed him in November--and, ladies, those little blue pills aren't cheap--not because he can't get it up but in hopes that maybe he'd feel more inspired to BD after coming home from a tiring day at work) because he was worried about getting it done and performance pressure. He'd set his mind to it though and wanted to give it his best shot (no pun intended).
So we met up at the little hospital that's about 5 blocks from our house, with our lab orders and Care Cards in hand (yay for Medicare!), and went down to the lab in the bottom floor. Only the lab technician informed us that my Dr had been wrong when he'd said that G could do his SA there, with the possibility of being able to produce the sample in our cosy little house and just drive it the couple of minutes there to drop it off at the lab for testing. Not the case. He actually has to go to the big hospital in our neighbouring city (which we commute to for work anyway) which is about a 25 minute drive away...he will have to face the "spank tank," unfortunately. Because he had a faculty meeting at noon it wasn't an option for him to do his SA today, so he's thinking he'll go in and get it done on Monday. He was disappointed that we couldn't just get it done and out of the way, and also that I probably won't be able to go with him on Monday because of my own work schedule. And the Viagra has given him a horrible headache...booo.
I was able to get my tests done on the spot though (no appointment needed), which is good because I'm now on CD19/4DPO and I had to get it done in that small 3 day window. The tech took 3 vials of blood while I asked her to explain exactly what the "CBC Ferritin TSH" was. The progesterone test I get, but I had forgotten about the rest. She said they'll test to see what my iron levels are, and also my thyroid (won't my mother be happy about that!), that kind of stuff. I asked how long it'll likely be before the results are in, and she said for the two tests it'll probably be tomorrow morning, but the progesterone testing gets done in Victoria, about a 2 hour drive away, so the sample has to get sent down there and and it'll take about 3 or 4 days to hear back about that. I hate needles, and I really hate having blood taken, but this lab tech was pretty good. I've had techs who did things like accidentally move the needle around while it's still in me, and that was dreadful! This all went pretty smoothly today, well, for me anyway.
So the first big milestone has been crossed and we are on our way to finding out if there's anything going on that might be standing in the way of our baby-dreams. I think we're going to have an early dinner and then maybe go see a movie tonight, as a way of kind of mellowing out after all the pre-test anxiety. Zoe-dog is already mellow, apparently, she's curled up on a pillow behind my chair right now--she's a sweetie.
I feel like I could go have a nap, and it's only 4:10pm.
Monday 19 January 2015
Follow the OPK Road
I have been so busy with work and all I've really wanted to do was be at home writing--yowzers! So once again I have way too much to write and not enough time (I really need to get to bed in about 20 minutes so that I can get my 8 glorious hours of sleep and feel human when the alarm clock goes off at 6:30AM) (something to know about me: I get resentful of anything that keeps me up past 10:30PM or cuts into getting at least 8 hours of sleep, unless it's an emergency or something I've chosen well in advance).
Well, I got a nice spike in my BBT this morning, which I think was the post-ovulation thermal shift I had been waiting for. Another two days of elevated temps and I'll get my crosshairs on my chart for this cycle--exciting! The downside is that for the past week and a half my poor sweet husband G has had quite the man-cold and so we basically didn't BD until yesterday (O day) and this morning since the start of this cycle...lame! Will this whole month be a TTC write-off or did we somehow manage to catch that elusive egg? We'll know in 2 weeks I suppose!
I got a lot of baby-cuddles from my childhood friend's baby yesterday afternoon. He is a phenomenal baby who never fusses for no-reason, and the kind of baby even G hopes we might be so lucky as to have ourselves one day. I just love him to bits, and yesterday if I wasn't holding him he was focusing on me and giving me lots of smiles--it was an adorable-overload! And my friend MM is such a good mom, which makes me hope that one day, when it is finally my turn, she'll be my go-to friend for baby-related advice.
On another quick note, I have also been very busy doing quick little readings for different gals on the Pink Pad forum--I never thought I'd have so many PMs pouring in for reading requests!! I feel a little bad because I was so busy at work that I couldn't be as prompt as I generally am, but when I've sat down and been able to focus I've been able to do about 4 readings per hour. And it's always interesting; sometimes certain cards just leap out at me, and everything feels so clear even though all of the readings are basically anonymous. Two women of the same age, with the same Birth Card, have PM'ed me back-to-back and yet when I look at their identical cards I see different things, and their readings are different. No two readings have been the same. It's also been interesting to answer some of the questions that I've gotten back after readings, even though I feel like it's really hard to articulate exactly what I mean, especially in such a short amount of space/time.
Anyhow--it's bed-time for me! Goodnight, world!
Well, I got a nice spike in my BBT this morning, which I think was the post-ovulation thermal shift I had been waiting for. Another two days of elevated temps and I'll get my crosshairs on my chart for this cycle--exciting! The downside is that for the past week and a half my poor sweet husband G has had quite the man-cold and so we basically didn't BD until yesterday (O day) and this morning since the start of this cycle...lame! Will this whole month be a TTC write-off or did we somehow manage to catch that elusive egg? We'll know in 2 weeks I suppose!
I got a lot of baby-cuddles from my childhood friend's baby yesterday afternoon. He is a phenomenal baby who never fusses for no-reason, and the kind of baby even G hopes we might be so lucky as to have ourselves one day. I just love him to bits, and yesterday if I wasn't holding him he was focusing on me and giving me lots of smiles--it was an adorable-overload! And my friend MM is such a good mom, which makes me hope that one day, when it is finally my turn, she'll be my go-to friend for baby-related advice.
On another quick note, I have also been very busy doing quick little readings for different gals on the Pink Pad forum--I never thought I'd have so many PMs pouring in for reading requests!! I feel a little bad because I was so busy at work that I couldn't be as prompt as I generally am, but when I've sat down and been able to focus I've been able to do about 4 readings per hour. And it's always interesting; sometimes certain cards just leap out at me, and everything feels so clear even though all of the readings are basically anonymous. Two women of the same age, with the same Birth Card, have PM'ed me back-to-back and yet when I look at their identical cards I see different things, and their readings are different. No two readings have been the same. It's also been interesting to answer some of the questions that I've gotten back after readings, even though I feel like it's really hard to articulate exactly what I mean, especially in such a short amount of space/time.
Anyhow--it's bed-time for me! Goodnight, world!
Thursday 15 January 2015
Psychic Suzanna and the Cards of Destiny.
I didn't get a chance to write a new post yesterday--sorry--and now I'm a little bit scattered in terms of what to write today.
Let's start with the basics, I guess. It's CD12 today ("cycle day" for anyone who might not be TTC acronym savvy), my BBT is the same as yesterday and ovulation should occur anytime within the next few days if my cycle this month is the usual 28/29 day length. So just waiting for that thermal shift, and after a couple of days of elevated temperature I should get my crosshairs on my Fertility Friend chart. Then, CD 18-20 or so (depending where my days off align with my cycle) I'll be making my way to the closest Life Labs to have my progesterone levels checked--something that I was going to do last month, except that the labs were closed during Christmas, which was already fairly busy for us. There are dark chocolate covered jube jubes in my writing desk's drawer, and I have finished my little cup of three-quarters-decaf latte.
So yesterday on one of the Pink Pad forums a bunch of girls started discussing how they'd asked Psychic Suzanna Stickney a free question via email about when they might conceive. Because I've got a love for things like tarot, tea leaf readings (my fave of faves), and things that are mystical (even if my more practical side passes these things off as "silly"...not completely, though, because I really do believe in my heart of hearts) I decided to cash-in on my free question to Suzanna too! After a few hours she emailed back and said: You will be holding your healthy daughter in your 30t. By "30t" I believe she meant "30th year." Being that I'm 28, and not turning 29 until July, and that this is the 8th cycle of TTC, 30 feels like a very long way away. Yes, I would like a daughter, and throwing in that it's a healthy baby makes me relieved after my mother told me on Sunday that she thinks I will get gestational diabetes if I get pregnant at my current weight (I am maybe 140lbs? I normally fluctuate between 120-135lbs, we just went through the holidays and I am a bit out of shape at the moment so I will throw on a possible 5lbs in my estimate for the sake of fairness. I am also just under 5'6", for the record. I am not a toothpick but I am also not a whale, if I may say so myself. HOWEVER, my mother has a well-known track-record of being a gym-bunny health-nut Virgo, and sometimes she says all kinds of shit that's upsetting to anyone who isn't in as good of shape as she is. Sunday wasn't the first time she's said something like this to me, and I know she means well, but it has left me feeling pretty screwed up about my body-image all week---blah!). (I have completely digressed, sorry!)
Okay, so as disappointing as it is that my TTC journey might be a long one, this whole 30th year prediction isn't shocking. In fact it's one of those things that makes you sigh and nod and think I just hope that's it, then. Oh, no, I don't mean that in a Debbie Downer kind of way. I really am a very optimistic person, even if the passing months get me feeling hopeless from time to time. It's just that I have very secretively done a bit of occult predicting over the years myself, and my own cards have been always the most accessible for me to read.
My maternal grandmother is a sweet old hippy-lady who does reflexology/reiki and believes in all kinds of wonderfully mystical things like angels, asking the Universe, spirit guides, reincarnation, the power of intuition, and tarot cards. Every summer, from the time I was 15 until 23, I used to stay with my grandparents on the mainland and work at the restaurant their friend owned so that I could make some decent money to last me through the school year--so very important once I started going to my local university! My grandma has always been like a second-mom, and if you ask her she will tell you that she recognised me the moment she first saw me as a tiny newborn baby because we have a soul-connection--I love the heck outta her, in any case! She has a friend who is a psychic named Katherine Sue, and she turned her onto Robert Lee Camp's Cards of Destiny. We used to call KS whenever we were passing through her city (about an hour's drive from my grandma's ranch) and have lunch with her, and if we were lucky she would say something about the future in her usual off-the-cuff manner over her soup and salad. Along the way KS told my grandma that I need to start learning how to use the Cards of Destiny, and so my grandma photocopied her book so that I could have my own copy, and taught me the basics. One of the very last summers that I stayed with her, she asked me to do a reading for a daughter of a friend of hers because she didn't have time to do it herself; she gave me only the age and birth date of the girl, and asked me to do a full year's reading. I did so, and she passed it along to the anonymous girl who apparently was very happy with what I had picked up on. It's not something I've stuck to doing, though at one point in time, about four years ago, I got into the habit of doing weekly readings for myself. Generally I just scan through whatever my spread is for the year, maybe do a bit more of an intensive reading for myself around my birthdays, and that's about it. It's not the sort of thing I like to advertise, even to my closest friends.
In my spread for the next five or so years, there's not a lot of evidence of pregnancies, births, or motherhood happening for me until my 30th year. There were suggestions of possible pregnancies in my past years but at the time I was diligent about preventing, not trying, and I made the series of choices that led me to where I am right now. C'est la vive. It appears that there will be something unusual or unexpected about the possible pregnancy in my 30th year, but that's about as much as I know. My 33rd, 34th, and 35th year all suggest possible pregnancies, but after 35 that's that. Not a lot of opportunities, though I don't think I'd personally want to give birth after the age of 35, it's just not what I've kind of got planned for myself, and I don't think G would be very happy about having a baby in 8 years. He already worries about being "too old".
Well, I mentioned some of this stuff about Psychic Suzanna and the Cards of Destiny on the TTC forum post and when another gal asked about the Cards of Destiny I said I didn't mind taking a peek at her cards if she wanted me to, she just needed to tell me her birthday and age. When I sat down to write this post (and oh has it gotten to be a long one, even though I feel like I have so many other things to write about still) a couple of other women on the TTC forum sent me PM's asking for me to do a quick reading. I kept it brief, just did and scan really, and got back to them both as promptly as I could. I don't want to steal Psychic Suzanna's spotlight but I don't mind doing something quick like this, not on a day-off.
Anyhow, it's now past noon--holy crap, where did the time go!?!--and I need to get stuff done before G gets home from work and thinks I've done nothing but watch Friends on Netflix and waste away my life. He doesn't know I'm writing again, which would make him really happy, but I also don't want him to read/follow this blog.
Let's start with the basics, I guess. It's CD12 today ("cycle day" for anyone who might not be TTC acronym savvy), my BBT is the same as yesterday and ovulation should occur anytime within the next few days if my cycle this month is the usual 28/29 day length. So just waiting for that thermal shift, and after a couple of days of elevated temperature I should get my crosshairs on my Fertility Friend chart. Then, CD 18-20 or so (depending where my days off align with my cycle) I'll be making my way to the closest Life Labs to have my progesterone levels checked--something that I was going to do last month, except that the labs were closed during Christmas, which was already fairly busy for us. There are dark chocolate covered jube jubes in my writing desk's drawer, and I have finished my little cup of three-quarters-decaf latte.
So yesterday on one of the Pink Pad forums a bunch of girls started discussing how they'd asked Psychic Suzanna Stickney a free question via email about when they might conceive. Because I've got a love for things like tarot, tea leaf readings (my fave of faves), and things that are mystical (even if my more practical side passes these things off as "silly"...not completely, though, because I really do believe in my heart of hearts) I decided to cash-in on my free question to Suzanna too! After a few hours she emailed back and said: You will be holding your healthy daughter in your 30t. By "30t" I believe she meant "30th year." Being that I'm 28, and not turning 29 until July, and that this is the 8th cycle of TTC, 30 feels like a very long way away. Yes, I would like a daughter, and throwing in that it's a healthy baby makes me relieved after my mother told me on Sunday that she thinks I will get gestational diabetes if I get pregnant at my current weight (I am maybe 140lbs? I normally fluctuate between 120-135lbs, we just went through the holidays and I am a bit out of shape at the moment so I will throw on a possible 5lbs in my estimate for the sake of fairness. I am also just under 5'6", for the record. I am not a toothpick but I am also not a whale, if I may say so myself. HOWEVER, my mother has a well-known track-record of being a gym-bunny health-nut Virgo, and sometimes she says all kinds of shit that's upsetting to anyone who isn't in as good of shape as she is. Sunday wasn't the first time she's said something like this to me, and I know she means well, but it has left me feeling pretty screwed up about my body-image all week---blah!). (I have completely digressed, sorry!)
Okay, so as disappointing as it is that my TTC journey might be a long one, this whole 30th year prediction isn't shocking. In fact it's one of those things that makes you sigh and nod and think I just hope that's it, then. Oh, no, I don't mean that in a Debbie Downer kind of way. I really am a very optimistic person, even if the passing months get me feeling hopeless from time to time. It's just that I have very secretively done a bit of occult predicting over the years myself, and my own cards have been always the most accessible for me to read.
My maternal grandmother is a sweet old hippy-lady who does reflexology/reiki and believes in all kinds of wonderfully mystical things like angels, asking the Universe, spirit guides, reincarnation, the power of intuition, and tarot cards. Every summer, from the time I was 15 until 23, I used to stay with my grandparents on the mainland and work at the restaurant their friend owned so that I could make some decent money to last me through the school year--so very important once I started going to my local university! My grandma has always been like a second-mom, and if you ask her she will tell you that she recognised me the moment she first saw me as a tiny newborn baby because we have a soul-connection--I love the heck outta her, in any case! She has a friend who is a psychic named Katherine Sue, and she turned her onto Robert Lee Camp's Cards of Destiny. We used to call KS whenever we were passing through her city (about an hour's drive from my grandma's ranch) and have lunch with her, and if we were lucky she would say something about the future in her usual off-the-cuff manner over her soup and salad. Along the way KS told my grandma that I need to start learning how to use the Cards of Destiny, and so my grandma photocopied her book so that I could have my own copy, and taught me the basics. One of the very last summers that I stayed with her, she asked me to do a reading for a daughter of a friend of hers because she didn't have time to do it herself; she gave me only the age and birth date of the girl, and asked me to do a full year's reading. I did so, and she passed it along to the anonymous girl who apparently was very happy with what I had picked up on. It's not something I've stuck to doing, though at one point in time, about four years ago, I got into the habit of doing weekly readings for myself. Generally I just scan through whatever my spread is for the year, maybe do a bit more of an intensive reading for myself around my birthdays, and that's about it. It's not the sort of thing I like to advertise, even to my closest friends.
In my spread for the next five or so years, there's not a lot of evidence of pregnancies, births, or motherhood happening for me until my 30th year. There were suggestions of possible pregnancies in my past years but at the time I was diligent about preventing, not trying, and I made the series of choices that led me to where I am right now. C'est la vive. It appears that there will be something unusual or unexpected about the possible pregnancy in my 30th year, but that's about as much as I know. My 33rd, 34th, and 35th year all suggest possible pregnancies, but after 35 that's that. Not a lot of opportunities, though I don't think I'd personally want to give birth after the age of 35, it's just not what I've kind of got planned for myself, and I don't think G would be very happy about having a baby in 8 years. He already worries about being "too old".
Well, I mentioned some of this stuff about Psychic Suzanna and the Cards of Destiny on the TTC forum post and when another gal asked about the Cards of Destiny I said I didn't mind taking a peek at her cards if she wanted me to, she just needed to tell me her birthday and age. When I sat down to write this post (and oh has it gotten to be a long one, even though I feel like I have so many other things to write about still) a couple of other women on the TTC forum sent me PM's asking for me to do a quick reading. I kept it brief, just did and scan really, and got back to them both as promptly as I could. I don't want to steal Psychic Suzanna's spotlight but I don't mind doing something quick like this, not on a day-off.
Anyhow, it's now past noon--holy crap, where did the time go!?!--and I need to get stuff done before G gets home from work and thinks I've done nothing but watch Friends on Netflix and waste away my life. He doesn't know I'm writing again, which would make him really happy, but I also don't want him to read/follow this blog.
Tuesday 13 January 2015
Just Another Trying to Concieve Blog
I assumed back in the beginning of last year that it would take a few months, maybe three because that seemed to be a fairly decent amount of time for any new endeavour with just the right level of measured optimism, and I am a relatively practical girl in spite of being sensitive. We didn't want to try too soon before our June wedding, because I wanted to be able to fit into my dream-dress and my dear husband-to-be felt it was way too stressful to be trying to bring together the final details of our wedding plans, and baby-make at the same time. I read What to Expect Before You're Expecting from cover to cover, and bought a big bottle of pink prenatal vitamins in anticipation. It'd been many years that I had carefully worked on making myself ready: a good job, good overall health, a finished university degree, a bit of travelling in my early 20s, and a great guy I was/am still quite happy to spend my life with. I hadn't been on the pill for over a year and, even though we hadn't been trying, we hadn't been overly concerned about preventing. I had this, right?
In February 2014 I had one of the longest cycles I've ever had in my life, complete with random hot flashes, nausea, and fatigue. This is It, I thought. We both got very anxious and excited to say the least. I took a HPT a few days before actually missing my period and was so baffled when it was negative after the 5 minute wait. "Don't worry," said my pregnant gal-pal via Facebook message. "They lie! It took two weeks for me to get a positive!" And so I held my breath, waited until my period was officially late, and vowed to test again in a week. I tried not to puke my way through a three hour Yes concert that made my stomach do the wave, and a couple of days later Aunt Flo finally arrived. So that was that. No Baby on Board. Not yet anyway.
We decided to jump the gun and start "trying" in May, a month before our walk down the aisle. March and April had given us enough time to shake off the disappointment of not accidentally falling pregnant, and we agreed that if it was going to be too early for any of our guests to notice that was good enough for us. We hopped into our bed without a doubt in our minds or a worry in our hearts that it would simply happen.
January marks cycle #8 of our TTC journey. It still hasn't "just happened" the way we thought it would. It may not be "our month" this month, however, I've decided that 2015 will be the year that I get back into having a writing practise and January will at least be the month that I created a blog.
B may not be for Baby, but B will certainly be for Blog.
In February 2014 I had one of the longest cycles I've ever had in my life, complete with random hot flashes, nausea, and fatigue. This is It, I thought. We both got very anxious and excited to say the least. I took a HPT a few days before actually missing my period and was so baffled when it was negative after the 5 minute wait. "Don't worry," said my pregnant gal-pal via Facebook message. "They lie! It took two weeks for me to get a positive!" And so I held my breath, waited until my period was officially late, and vowed to test again in a week. I tried not to puke my way through a three hour Yes concert that made my stomach do the wave, and a couple of days later Aunt Flo finally arrived. So that was that. No Baby on Board. Not yet anyway.
We decided to jump the gun and start "trying" in May, a month before our walk down the aisle. March and April had given us enough time to shake off the disappointment of not accidentally falling pregnant, and we agreed that if it was going to be too early for any of our guests to notice that was good enough for us. We hopped into our bed without a doubt in our minds or a worry in our hearts that it would simply happen.
January marks cycle #8 of our TTC journey. It still hasn't "just happened" the way we thought it would. It may not be "our month" this month, however, I've decided that 2015 will be the year that I get back into having a writing practise and January will at least be the month that I created a blog.
B may not be for Baby, but B will certainly be for Blog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)