Sunday 12 April 2015

Whip-Smart

Sorry I have fallen behind on my posting lately--I'm terrible, I know--but life has been so busy! 

Not much to report on the TTC route since the past week was that in-between week of waiting for AF to take off and mull over possible adjustments to our game-plan before my fertile window for this cycle. Easter weekend also meant two business days were lost too, so my clinic still hasn't called regarding my ultrasound. And the technician who did the ultrasound said that everything looked normal to him (during the process), but they have a specialist who looks at the images and writes a written report that gets forwarded to my doctor, so he couldn't really tell me anything. And, he had to send me out into the lobby with water twice because my bladder was only a quarter full when I arrived (early, thank goodness) in spite of drinking the recommended amount of water an hour beforehand. So, when in doubt, drink an extra glass of water before you leave the house if you ever have to do an ultrasound!

In the meantime I called and scheduled an appointment for G to drop off his specimen for his SA, which he did on Tuesday. He was super cranky about it, and if there's a next time I suppose we better make sure we schedule for a day where he's got nothing work-related to do or he'll be pretty upset with me for a few days. He has also been freaking out because very little came out so there was practically nothing in the cup, and this has added to his anxiety about there being something wrong with him. He has made a lot of comments about adoption in the last few days...sigh. 

To stay grounded I've thrown myself into my roller derby training. On Thursday I went up island to spend the afternoon with my dear friend MJ and her baby Wes, who utterly amazed me with how he's so focused on trying to walk and talk--he's still a baby but I can see him striving so hard to become his own person and how he wants to start gaining his independence a bit! I am completely enamored with him when MJ and I visit, and I will shoot down any negative comment about gingers made in my presence because of this (just a heads-up)! Anyhow, we went to Bikram yoga for an hour and a half and, even though I was super sore from derby practice the night before and it has been about a year since I last went to a Hatha yoga class (which I find already pretty easy since I started with Iyengar when I first began my practice 4.5 years ago, and a bit of Moksha), I'm super proud of myself! I had to make a few modifications on a couple of poses and I couldn't get as deep a stretch as MJ (who has been going once a week and also working super hard to get back to Pre-baby weight since January), but the instructor commented afterwards about how I've retained my awareness of posture and alignment for each position. All those details like "shoulders back and down" and "knee over ankle" or "square the hips" from Iyengar were still built into my body-awareness and made it easy to correct myself when I needed too. Bikram was intense but awesome, and I felt so great afterwards! I really need more yoga in my life!!! Sure, it doesn't really make a difference to losing weight, but it will keep me well stretched, and benefit my balance for derby. 

I also have done really short light jogs last night and this morning with Zoe-dog, which isn't much of a work-out, but we really liked that. It also means she doesn't stop every two feet to sniff obsessively, which bugs me sometimes when we're on a walk.

I dreamt about painting last night too. It was really nice, especially since I haven't had many opportunities to be creative within my busy schedule. 

Anyway, my fertile window should start tomorrow! Wish us luck!

Thursday 2 April 2015

One More Step

Here we are at CD1 again. This will be our twelfth month of TTC, and knowing that we're so close to that one-year mark comes along with some mixed emotions, obviously. My intuition for the last week has been telling me that this wasn't it this month, and my BBT has been lower than usual ever since about 3DPO. But I had a normal 28 day cycle with decent EWCM during my fertile window, and so I feel like this month wasn't all-bad, even if it didn't yield a BFP. I did do a heck of a lot of crying yesterday when I woke up with cramps. 

G was so hopeful. He asked me almost daily for the last 5 days if/when I was going to test. Last night he seemed borderline baffled when I told him I was spotting, and asked how it could be that I hadn't gotten pregnant this month when we'd BD'd during all the best days, used Pre-Seed, and I'd been so diligent about taking my vitamins and not drinking coffee all month. He was the one reminding me that it was over for this cycle until AF arrived. However, he's thinking that we maybe need to look into going to a few counselling sessions to better deal with TTC.

I have my ultrasound appointment in a little under two hours. Right now I'm at my parents' house while G is busy with office work and faculty meetings on campus, with a heating pad on me and lots of Midol. My cramps are so bad today that I feel like an invalid so the idea of drinking three glasses of water and keep my bladder full for any length of time today isn't very appealing. Not to mention the granny-panties and tampons. My mom keeps asking me if I'm excited. No, maybe a tiny bit, only in that we'll be one step closer to finding out if there's something else we need to be doing. Anything that brings us closer to bringing home future-baby is welcomed. 

Yesterday I brought out the deck of Sacred Geometry cards my grandma gave us for Christmas, meditated on TTC and pulled two cards: Transition and Intuition. Is this just a window of time where we are still preparing for pregnancy, still learning things that may have been holding us back, before we finally have our baby on board?

At least G has agreed to take me to my appointment this afternoon, and will be there to see everything that the ultrasound technician may point out to us. And maybe finally he'll get his SA done, and get over being embarrassed/grossed-out by providing his sample. 

One step closer.