Thursday 2 April 2015

One More Step

Here we are at CD1 again. This will be our twelfth month of TTC, and knowing that we're so close to that one-year mark comes along with some mixed emotions, obviously. My intuition for the last week has been telling me that this wasn't it this month, and my BBT has been lower than usual ever since about 3DPO. But I had a normal 28 day cycle with decent EWCM during my fertile window, and so I feel like this month wasn't all-bad, even if it didn't yield a BFP. I did do a heck of a lot of crying yesterday when I woke up with cramps. 

G was so hopeful. He asked me almost daily for the last 5 days if/when I was going to test. Last night he seemed borderline baffled when I told him I was spotting, and asked how it could be that I hadn't gotten pregnant this month when we'd BD'd during all the best days, used Pre-Seed, and I'd been so diligent about taking my vitamins and not drinking coffee all month. He was the one reminding me that it was over for this cycle until AF arrived. However, he's thinking that we maybe need to look into going to a few counselling sessions to better deal with TTC.

I have my ultrasound appointment in a little under two hours. Right now I'm at my parents' house while G is busy with office work and faculty meetings on campus, with a heating pad on me and lots of Midol. My cramps are so bad today that I feel like an invalid so the idea of drinking three glasses of water and keep my bladder full for any length of time today isn't very appealing. Not to mention the granny-panties and tampons. My mom keeps asking me if I'm excited. No, maybe a tiny bit, only in that we'll be one step closer to finding out if there's something else we need to be doing. Anything that brings us closer to bringing home future-baby is welcomed. 

Yesterday I brought out the deck of Sacred Geometry cards my grandma gave us for Christmas, meditated on TTC and pulled two cards: Transition and Intuition. Is this just a window of time where we are still preparing for pregnancy, still learning things that may have been holding us back, before we finally have our baby on board?

At least G has agreed to take me to my appointment this afternoon, and will be there to see everything that the ultrasound technician may point out to us. And maybe finally he'll get his SA done, and get over being embarrassed/grossed-out by providing his sample. 

One step closer. 

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